British Petroleum has been in the news a lot recently. A massive eleven billion loss will decimate pension funds for future generations. Strangely enough though a similar sum can be found for the London Olympics. Yes this mass extravaganza will be entirely wonderful for everyone (well everyone in London anyway) and please don’t question the enormous cost because we all know that it’s the London metropolis that keeps all us beggars on the outer fringes afloat. The fact that the facts don’t agree? You’ll never get that through the media.
The thing I think about most when I consider the London Olympics is Lord Sebastian Coe (see above) who when asked about what Britain should do if Scotland and Wales didn’t want to be part of Britain’s football team. His answer? F*** ‘Em! Strangely enough however despite this comment being picked up in the press Lord Coe is still fronting the London Olympics and to my mind that fact represents a two fingered salute to every other country in Britain outside England.
Of course all has changed recently. We have a wonderful new coalition Government. Yes the new Conservative Government has added a dash of Liberal Democrats and we are now supposed to accept their drastic monetarist cost cutting medicine as inevitable and indeed entirely just. After all that nice Mr Clegg would hardly get himself involved in any shenanigans would he? Oh, no! The coalition Government has a new found lovey dovey respect for Scotland and Wales which lasted oh, two whole weeks before things returned to business as usual.
The pleasant Mr Clegg decided that the best thing for us Scots and Welsh was to have our national elections at the same time as his AV referendum bill. Thus ensuring a big British campaign which can drown out all those irrelevant local issues like who is going to run our countries for the next four years. After all didn’t that work well at the last election? Scotland and Wales ignored and only the big English parties getting equal TV coverage. Just to be on the safe side the 2015 elections for Scotland and Wales will be on the same day as (you guessed it!) the next Westminster elections.
Yes the respect agenda is alive and well. We get told what to do and are given less money and are expected to get on with it. Strangely enough the new coalition bears a startling resemblance to a Conservative Government. Every big post, Foreign Secretary, Home Secretary, Defence Secretary and Prime Minister are all held by the Tories. Mr Clegg became the new John Prescott while Vince Cable is the new Lord Mandelson. If Mr Clegg says the Iraq war is illegal he can be ignored as speaking for himself yet if a Conservative minister makes an announcement then that is party policy. I think I can see how this works.
Of course Mr Clegg didn’t give up the Liberal Democrats votes for nothing. Oh no! He got that aforesaid Alternative Vote (AV) referendum which was what he had always wanted. Well no, he said during the election AV was a waste of time. Which it is, marginally better than First Past the Post but by no means proportional, unlike STV (Single Transferable Vote). Personally I would have supported AV as a small step in the right direction however given that Mr Clegg has stuck it right in the middle of Scotland and Wales election campaigns Plaid Cymru and SNP would be both amply justified in telling him exactly where to stick it.
Still the Liberals did get another wondrous prize, yes the post of Secretary of State for Scotland, the cabinet post that the LD’s said should have been abolished during the election is now the greatest thing since sliced bread. You can tell that by the fact that Danny Alexander wanted to hold on to it for oh, weeks before rushing off to bigger and better things. We now have a new puppet Michael Moore who will no doubt regularly tell us that the Tories are right and that we Scots can survive on less money.
The sepulchral figure of Jim Murphy was of course our last SoS for Scotland. Murphy had a very simple law, if you are comparing Scotland with other nations make sure you never mention anyone with oil. After all that’s utterly irrelevant. Norway? No! Finland? Yes! Still voting Labour will definitely keep the Tories out. We did, but strangely enough we got ‘em. It makes you think that perhaps there is another country ten times our size who has rather more influence on the UK than Scotland. Still I’m sure thin Jim will get his reward some day with a job in the House of Lords or as I like to call them, the House of Losers. Yes, it doesn’t matter how incompetent you were as a politician or how you made no useful contribution to public life. So long as you were in the British cabinet you get a guaranteed spot in a plush retirement home with a nice new ermine red coat.
That real working class hero John ‘two jags’ Prescott has been punted up to the Lords. John Reid the man who did so much for British rule in Ireland and was rewarded with the chairmanship of a supposedly Irish nationalist football club has had a further ‘promotion’. Joining him is Helen Liddell (another SoS) various other Labour non-entities and Jack McConnell. Yes McConnell the former First Minister was considered to have been such a decent suck up that he didn’t even have to wait to lose his seat in the Scottish parliament before receiving his ‘just desserts’. The thought of this detritus of politics joining the ranks of such illustrious political hate figures as Lord Ian Lang and Lord Michael Forsyth makes me feel that what goes around comes around. Nonetheless, where is Guy Fawkes when you really need him? He could cut public expenditure at a stroke and no-one would be the worse for it.
William Hague is the new British foreign secretary, well he was but now it appears David Cameron prefers to make the rounds of other countries on Britain’s behalf. Mr Cameron doesn’t let the facts get in the way of sucking up to America. Oh, no he’ll re-write history and insult past generations if his supple tongue requires it. What’s that sir? You want Turkey to forgive Israel? Count on me!
Foreign policy for Britain is about asking America just how high they want us to jump. Don’t think of irrelevant stuff like the human rights of the Kurds or that silly old Turkish annexation of half of Cyprus, no think only of Uncle Sam and the rights of Israel to commit acts of terrorism that will ensure world respect.
Personally I would like to see Turkey in the EU. But only after they have relinquished half of Cyprus and improved their record on human rights. Strangely enough that is what the EU wants as well but it would be mad wouldn’t it to think we have a common interest with those European types. No far better to maintain an irrational xenophobic dislike of all Johnny Foreigners. Those mad continental types don’t even speak the Queen’s English.
BP’s trouble in the USA has led to the Americans taking a sudden interest in Scottish affairs. Of course Mr Cameron did the decent thing when asked to explain BP’s dodgy dealings. Don’t look at me he said look at Scotland who let out the mad terrorist Al Megrahi! It is of course true that Kenny MacAskill showed compassion for a dying man. It is also probable that the man in question had no connection whatsoever with the Lockerbie bomb. The US demanded to hear from the lowly Scots in person and were amazed to find that our Government had learnt a word which no British diplomat had ever used in recent recorded history: ‘No’.
There was indeed a ‘deal in the desert’ BP did in fact lobby a foreign Government. However it was the last Labour British Government, not the Scottish one. Mr MacAskill decide to grant compassionate release to a dying man. This has put those lovely types from the tabloids and the unionist politicians together in a basket in which they each hold a stopwatch and guess how long he’s got to go.
The fact the Scottish Criminal Cases Review Commission reckoned his conviction was ‘unsafe’. Who cares? The indisputable fact he’s dying of cancer? What does that matter? What matters is he is not dying in three months like he should have done!
I joined a US website a while back because I wanted to leave a comment re an inaccurate report about Scotland. Since then I have received numerous mail shots. If they are anything to go by the art of politics has died in America in favour of pathetic idiotic semantics. America might have the power the money and the secret agents but in terms of moral authority or fresh political ideas it has nothing. An independent Scotland and Wales would be far better throwing their lot in with the rest of Europe. The fact UKIP, the BNP and most of the Tories all want us to disengage from Europe gives us an idea of the right and wrongs of the issue!
